i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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