you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
