can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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