I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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