he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
