I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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