I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
