So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
