I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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