even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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