My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
