Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
