I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Acid is not a monday night drug
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
