I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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