Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
