It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
