If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
