the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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