I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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