Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
