just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
