i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
