I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Boobs are out for the taking
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
