So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
