no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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