my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
