Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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