Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
