Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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