I wish I could punch you in the face.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
