Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
