I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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