i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
