So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
