somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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