your thong is hanging out like whoa
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize