mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
