I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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