Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
