You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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