She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
