there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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