i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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