And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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