What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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