I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
