youre lurking in front of me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
