I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
