Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
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