I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
