Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
