He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
