I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize