The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
