Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
