Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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