i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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