I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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