so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
