You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How external is "for external use only"?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
