i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
