It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
