i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
