With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
