the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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