what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
