you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
