all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just found puke in my bra..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
