Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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