o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
