My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
