I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
