life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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