Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
