So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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