This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
