Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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