I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
