your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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