oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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