I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
